Time for a change

Everyone is feeling the pinch from this recession, it seems. Everyone at my job is now, or very soon to be, laid off. People all around me are working less or not at all.

I'm trying to look at this in a positive light. It's a great time to find a new career. I've talked to other co-workers and they've told me "you're lucky, you have other skills, this is all I know". How sad. And probably not true in one person's case.

So I'm researching crafts. I have a long history of making things by hand - stage sets, photos, paper, furniture, knitted items. Now all I have to do is figure out what to do with those skills.

In the meantime, I'll pull my weekly Unemployment Insurance benefit and try to scrape together enough money to keep the wolves at bay.

On the Dole again

So I am unemployed again. I knew it was coming, and I'm not freaking out yet. But that will come along I'm sure.

I'm thinking this might be a good time to consider other careers. I seem to need to change my career path every 6-8 years. I get bored. I become interested in doing other things. Right now it's a bit less in my control, but I might as well make the jump now.

Navidad 2008

Luis and I have decided to go down to Tuxpan for Christmas. Business here is slow and I'll probably be laid off anyway, so we might as well spend money we aren't making, and have a vacation at the same time, right??

I'm looking forward to the trip, and dreading it. I love road trips (we're driving down), and know that I can bring more back from Tuxpan since we'll have a whole empty car to fill up. Yippee!

But I am scared shitless that I will be dropped right back into that sick depression I hit when I was living there. I look at photos from that time and feel this horrible ache in my stomach. Photos of Luis and his friends - on their motorcycles (I had one down there but Luis never taught me how to drive it and now it is owned by someone else), drinking to excess (most of those times I wasn't invited, it was "boys only" although I know some girls showed up at their parties from time to time), Luis laughing and having a good time.

I'm rarely in the photos (I was more often behind the camera - one of my only ways to connect with my reality down there - or was asked to document the scene - I did get my degree in Photography, so I'd be the obvious one to take the photos, right?) so it seems sometimes like I wasn't really even at the events. As if I was only there as a witness. As if Life had placed me there on a whim, to watch someone else's life. To put my existence aside so I could be nearby if I was ever needed - for a photo, for comfort, to run to the store. A useful tool.

How lonely that was. How much I do not want to go back to that existence.

Luis has apologized to me for his behavior when we lived there. It was a heartfelt apology too. Not coerced by me, but offered freely. I have told him that I am nervous about going back to Tuxpan. He says he knows, but I have only faith to go on that it will be different this time.

Bloody Hell!

I don't ken much to the stereotyped idea that when a woman is... shall we say less than her most friendly, that she is "on the rag".

However, I do find it comforting at times - when I am obsessive and anxiety ridden - that I am, in fact, on the rag. It makes me seem oh-so-much more reasonable. (Ohhhhh! That's why I'm freaking out! Nice. I can calm down now.)

Ok, granted..

...I've had two Portland beers (which are stronger than national beers), which makes me a bit tipsy, but...

I MISS MY GIRLFRIENDS!!!!!!!!

I just thought of Cindylicious in Atlanta. Man, I miss her. And Charlotte in SD. Whom I owe a phone call to. And Angela in LA.

I wish they lived closer.....

Over it

I'm very tired of being so fucking responsible. I try so hard to do everything right - don't fuck up at work, pay all the bills on time, treat everyone with respect - all that shit.

But, I feel like I'm coming apart at the seams.

I overdrew my bank account for the second time in three months (really a Very Bad thing in my moral book), my attitude at work is sinking, I've got these anger issues I mentioned below....

Basically I'm Not Perfect.

And somehow that isn't allowed in my book. I can't fuck up. I must always be perfect, or so close to it that small slips are forgivable.

But that isn't reality. And I have such a fucking hard time making the life of my mind reflect reality.

wound tight

I feel very stressed lately. I guess I have good reason... but...

I have a friend coming to town (yaaaay! this isn't the stress part), so I will have to play hostess to a degree. I mean, this is a long-time really good friend, so she will understand if I'm less than organized, but still....

My job is still fucked. My manager has no fucking clue. His personal issues are so on the surface. My co-workers and I spend too much time on the job playing armchair therapists and discussing his "issues". This week was pretty bad - I guess because the boss was out of town and manager-boy had control of the shop. He is woefully unprepared to deal with that. So my main co-worker and I had two full days of wanting to bitch-slap the manager from the first minute of work. Not good.

Plus Luis went down to Mexico to deal with some shit down there and to see his family. I'm sure he is having a wonderful time. And I kinda miss being there, in some sort of "distance makes the heart grow fonder" type of way. So I'm on my own right now. Except... oh yeah, I have Luis' cousin Moi staying in the house with me.

He's pretty good about staying out of the way. Since we gave him his own tv, he pretty much spends his time in his room. But there is always the little voice in the back of my head saying "there's someone else here". And to some degree I'm responsible for him.

So no "me time" for me. Maybe that's what I need. Which is why I'm here at Beulahland, finishing off my second beer.....

One fucking angry bitch

That's me. One fucking angry bitch. I've always known that I have a lot of anger, but recently it's been making itself apparent.

I was talking to Luis about the shit that is going on down in Mexico (sooo fucked up... but that is a whole 'nother entry on my blog) and we were talking about my motorcycle in Mexico. Suddenly I felt this huge flare of anger in my mind. I mean huge. Like hurricane Gustav or Ike huge. I quickly put the kaibosh (how does one spell that word???) on it, but it echoed in my head for hours afterwards. Where did that red-hot burning anger come from?

It's always been floating just under the surface. I know that. I'm pissed. About a lot of things. I think I've always been this way. But it's gotten to the point that I might actually have to Do Something about it.

I remember in high school having a fantasy that I would be given a bat and some old piece of shit car and just allowed to have at it, vent all my anger on that car. Beat it to shit.

Just writing that makes me want that fantasy to come true. So now it's time to fucking get on the program and tackle that anger, face on, full body slam, kick it's ass.

Fuuuuuuccckdddd Uuuuup!

I am now at Beulahland. Drinking a beer. So I feel better. But about an hour ago I was ready to tear the head off a barrista, chew it up, and regurgitate it down her throat.

Yeah.... that bad.

There are two cafes near my house. One is about 1 1/2 blocks away, in an old revamped arts and crafts style house. The other is about 4 blocks away in an old storefront and usually has live music or other such distractions. But the closer one has a vibe I can't quite put my finger on, and don't quite like. Nothing bad, but not as comfortable as the other one.

This evening when I decided I needed to get online to take care of shit in my life, I decided to walk the extra (oh-so-far) three blocks and go to that cafe. Besides, they serve beer, so the extra walk is oh-so-worth it! I get there, order a bottled beer, and then they tell me they are closing in about 15 minutes. Beer and spare change were re-exchanged and I opted for the less yummy cafe. I get there and order an au lait. I sit down, plug in and try to get online. For 20 fucking minutes!

I've had problems getting online there before (another reason I don't really like that place), so I tried all my usual tricks. Turn airport off, then on again. Quit my email program, start it up again. Fucking restart my computer. Repeat.

No go. I tell the barrista that I can't get online. She says she'll reboot the server. I guess she did it at some point, but I still couldn't get online. Finally after 20 minutes I cut my losses and drove over here to Beulahland.

Shoulda just come here in the first place.

Bow Down!

There are times when I just hate people. Not for anything specific. Just because they exist outside my own head and make their own (wrong) decisions. When I'm Empress of the Universe.....

• no one will use their cell phones while they are driving.
  
• trendoids will be ridiculed and shot at dawn for driving their bikes without brakes and helmets.
  
• PBR will be outlawed.
  
• people wearing "fashion" re-played from the 70's will be lit on fire and marshmallows will be roasted ove their burning flesh.
  

Out of Whack

I'm feeling out of whack these days. Don't much relish my job anymore, have only made small steps towards researching my new job interest (house inspection), still have a visitor living in my house, Luis has had lots of emotional things going on this past month or so, and I feel like I have no time for myself.

Yesterday we were out running errands and Luis suggested we go to Jamba Juice. I opted to go home and relax. I ended up sleeping for a few hours while I was alone in my house. What a nice feeling.

But I woke up tired today and haven't quite gotten back into the swing of things. I'd much rather be at home sleeping.

Not the brightest bean

Luis and I were talking recently about people he works with. He described one as "he thinks he knows more than he actually does". Oh yeah, I said, I know people like that. They think they are all that and a bag of chips, when in fact, they are missing the bag of chips.

Suddenly I thought of my recent attempt to get a raise. And I wondered, am I one of those people? Do I think I am worth more than I really am?

As soon as that question is spoken I hear my mom's voice telling me that I am worth everything I ask for. She is my mom, she has never doubted what I tell her about my skills. Neither does Luis. He thinks I am more talented that I give myself credit for.

But I wonder. Do I really see my relative value in perspective? Or am I one of those people?

No one is moving

It's hot as hell here today. Somewhere in the range of 100 degrees. Not normal for Portland. It seems pretty quiet outside. Not much traffic driving by my house. And on my walk up here to Beulahland, there were very few people on the street. It's just too hot to move.

My Fat Year

I've decided that I'm going to write off this year as "My Fat Year". I just weighed myself at the gym yesterday, and it's official; I am at the heaviest weight I have ever been at in my LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Not so cool.

Even though I knew it was going on, I paid little attention to it, only bothering to say hello to it in passing. This weight gain. My little friend of 2008.

Well, you have 5 more months of hanging around, and then you gotta go. Bye bye little chubly wubly!

I'm in a...

...highly agitated state today. I'm not sure why. My boss seems overly pessimistic these days, and I can't help but think it's due to my conversation about money a few weeks ago.

Because, of course, the world revolves around Me.


But everything is bugging me. My job, my daily routine, my relationship with Luis, my lack of a social life, my future.

I think I'm in one of those spots where I need some serious change and I'm not sure where to go with it. So I tend to lash outwards.

WHAT THE FUCK AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE?

Eew, gross!

My manager at work is a closet homosexual who's only outlet for his sexual frustration is to make awkward comments to his employees - two of whom are male.

And now he is starting to get physical. He slapped the ass of one guy, and has started to touch him when he wants to get his attention.

Yeah: ew, gross.

I couldn't care less who he is attracted to, or what his views are on his own sexual life, but the whole subversive outlet thing is creepy. At least it isn't aimed at me.

For once I feel pretty safe being a female in a mostly male-dominated industry.

Oddly, I think, the two guys I work with are loathe to deal with the situation head on. I suggested that we all talk to the boss about it, but they seem to not want to do that. My mom suggested that the first step should be to talk directly to the manager about his actions and ask him to stop. Fair enough.

We'll see if they do talk to him and if it has any effect.

Ye Shall Be Healed!!

I had a couple of religious people come to my door this morning. Not sure what religion they were - I didn't bother to ask - but they were looking to convert me. I politely told them that I was set, I didn't need to have that conversation.

Of course, they were looking for any type of "in" to get me to talk with them. They noticed I'm wearing a wrist brace and asked if I had broken my wrist. No, I told them, my doctor thinks I'm getting arthritis, so she is having me wear the brace.

The guy said, "oh yes, I have some of that."

They then asked if they could pray for me and the health of my wrist. Sure you can. So the woman stepped forward and took my hand. Oh, you mean pray for me right here, right now. Oh, ok.

So she wheels into a prayer, asking for God's grace to perform a miracle and remove the arthritis in my wrist.

I politely stood there and let them pray away, thinking "I'm not sure this is gonna work on me, a non-believer, if the prayers haven't taken away the arthritis in the gentleman believer on my porch."

Then they walked away to the next house down the block.

Daddy moto

Luis seems to think I need to be out riding my motorcycle every sunny day. Maybe this is the perfect time to take advantage of the wonderful weather, but I just don't feel like riding every day. I'm more than happy to jump on my moto whenever I need to go somewhere, but it's lonely riding around town by myself. I'd be much happier to have a partner in crime.

He is more concerned with how much experience I'm getting so that when he brings his moto back this fall that I'll be able to keep up with him, that I won't drag him down.

He's a very selfish man.

Tomorrow I'm going to a women's meeting at the store where I bought my moto. It's not a class, but more of a networking thing. I want to meet women I can go tooling around town or the countryside with.

Today is sweltering hot - 92 degrees or so - and the thought of taking off to drive for the sake of "getting experience" doesn't appeal to me. I'd rather stay inside and stay cool. If I had someone else to drive with I'd be out there.

Yes, I'm employed again

But it's at my same old job. Whoopie.

I had a long conversation with my boss this week. Not a very comfortable or good one. I was essentially asking for a raise, he was essentially telling me I wasn't worth it.

Blech.

After talking with Luis and my mom about all this, I start to wonder if I am over selling myself. Am I worth that much less than my co-worker? Then the same old shit happens at work and I wonder why I'm paid $3 less an hour than him. And worse than that, why I'm paid probably $5-6 less an hour than my manager.

My co-worker's pay I can deal with, although I think it is too much higher than mine by $2 per hour. But the fact that my manager is paid so much more than me becomes more and more of an insult to me.

But.... am I worth the same amount or just slightly less?

So fucking difficult

What is it about relationships that makes them so damn difficult?

When I grow up

"The best way to predict your future is to create it."
- Peter Drucker

"Leap and the net will appear." - Zen saying

I've been thinking about my job a lot lately. I'm now back on the payroll - it seems our business has picked up - but that time off gave me a lot to think about.

Plus I found out the only other guy on the shop floor makes $3 more an hour than I do. Not cool. He is worth the money, no doubt, but I am too, so I need to chat with my boss soon.

Aside from that issue, I've been wondering if I want to stay in this business at all. Or, more specifically, do I want to continue to just be a cabinet maker? I'm not all that into the physical side of it anymore (not sure I ever really was - it was just a part of the job), and I'm not learning anything new. We used to have other employees who I could really learn from. Doug taught me a lot about install and customer service. Tracy taught me more about install. I can still learn from Chris, but not on the same scale that I used to learn - he and I are pretty much equal in our skills. So I'm a bit bored, very underpaid, and tired of lifting heavy objects.

One option is to get into project management. There is a General Contractor company that I've worked with a few times that sounds like it could be an option. I've already sent out my resume to them, but didn't mention in the cover letter that I would be interested in going the project management route. But I have the owner's name (given to me by a PM from that company who I recently worked with), and will get my shit together next week to call him.

There is another company I've recently seen that I also sent my resume to, but don't have any contacts there. I'll try to follow up with them soon too.

And then there is that friend of my mom's who is buying the condo she wants to renovate, with me as one of her main employees. That would give me first-hand experience in project managing, and be very flexible. However, I'm not real sure what part I would play in the whole process, so we'd have to work that out.

And one guy I did an information interview with while I was laid off called me back this week to see if I was still available. I said maybe - told him I was re-employed, but not sure how long it would last (and I'm not, which is a bone of contention for me at the moment) - so we should keep in touch. He said he didn't have a job offer right now, but had a few projects he thought were going to come in and then he would need to staff up quickly.

So there are some good options out there, I just need to decide which route I want to take. Once I make that decision, I'll take that leap...

No Time

It seems like I have a long list of things I want to tackle, but somehow never really find the time to do so:

• re-read my BRT manual to brush up on all the things I learned in my motorcycle driving class
  
• finish knitting my current project
  
• read the books I checked out from the library
  
• post more often to my blog
  
• read the manual for my new camera and start using it (of course, in order to do that I need to...)
  
• buy an external drive to dump stuff off my laptop harddrive so I can download the new photos on my new camera
  
• figure out what I want to do for a living right now (more on that in another entry)
  
• get out and meet new people
  

Fat Girl

That's me these days. I tried on a pair of cutoffs I wore to work last summer - no go. All my clothing has gone up a size. I'm fat. For me, that is. There are still fatter people out there, but I'm moving in their direction.

It's not a matter of needing to build up muscles - I'm plenty strong - it's a matter of needing to eat better and work off some of the fat layers that have been added in the last year.

More cardio, less carbo.

New toy

So I sucked it up and bought a new digital camera. (Yes, yes, I realize I've been laid off and have no money coming in. But that's usually the time when I decide to spend what little cash I have left.) I've been jonsing for one for a while. The only digital camera I've ever owned was a small point n' shoot that I used in Mexico, which eventually took a dive into a public toilet. At a bar. While I was drunk.

Ick.

So I've been without camera for over a year now. And the itch was getting to me. I went to my favorite local camera store and asked their advice. Went home, did a bit of online research, went back to the store, looked at different cameras. And finally bit the bullet on Monday, added to my debt, and bought a Nikon D40.

I've taken a few photos on it, but haven't loaded the software onto my computer yet. Need to empty the hard drive first. It's a fun camera and I think it will get me into the swing of digital photography. And hopefully it will get me taking photos again.

odd things

The past few days I have had a few odd (or unexpected, or Happy Realizations) things come up in my life.

First, I realized that I had some vacation time left over at work that I could cash in. That will help with the financial end of life. I talked to my employer and found out I had more hours than I realized. Yay for not taking vacation! I guess.

Then Luis suggested that the vacation time I have would cover us for the rest of the month so that I could hold off on applying for unemployment insurance. The result of that is that the amount I would get paid will go up. Yay for Luis!

Then a friend of my mom's called me. She is looking at buying a condo in my mom's building, but it will need updating. She is interested in hiring me to help her main construction guy get all the work done. Yay for mom's friends!

So I am feeling a little better about our finances.

Scary

I stopped by my job yesterday just to see if the situation had improved any, if we might have some work coming in soon-ish. No such luck.

What scared me was what my boss said. He has been in business for 25-30 years now and he said he has never seen a down-turn like this. He's not sure how long it will last and if his company might have to fold.

Not good.

Yesterday

Went to the gym and screwed up my neck/shoulders somehow. I was doing reverse crunches and something in my neck didn't like that. Sharp pain. One more try to confirm. Yup, something just got injured. Crap. Time to go home - early - and take it easy.

Also, my sister got me to try Facebook. Bitch. Now I'm addicted. Probably because I have so much free time at the moment. And I'm finding lots of people from MindSpring. But it's still a time-suck. Enabling me to avoid my unemployed situation.

Guapo

Damn, I have a good looking man! He just walked in to meet me at the bar here, and *wow* he is one hottie!

Madonna

I've written about this before, but I'm still a member of the Church of Madonna.

I was surfing around the other day and decided to visit iTunes.com. Got stuck on watching Madonna videos and actually bought a few. (Ok, "Lucky Star" is sentimental to me!) I don't know what it is about her, but I get a lot of emotional support from her songs. When I was in Mexico, a part of my being able to cope was listening to her song "Issac". Today it is "Give it To Me". Man, that song rocks!

I remember taking a Women's Studies class at UC Berkeley where one day we watched some of her videos and questioned whether she was promoting or damaging womens' power in the world. I think I stood mute on the question that day, but I remember some women speaking out strongly against her. Of course, this was the late 80's and the videos we watched included "Like a Virgin".

But whatever the opinions that day, she has come out on top. She is one of the most powerful women in music and I think that she really promotes a strong stance for women in the world.

At least it works for this strong woman.

Amigos

Today has been a day of old friends. This morning I received an email from a former co-worker (and friend). He found me off this blog - goodness, I didn't think anyone but me was reading this! - and dropped me a line. So fucking fabulous to hear from him and his wife! (Hi John and Karen!)

Then as I pulled up to this really cool newish bar (beer and Wifi.... heaven!), I saw another former co-worker. Ben used to work for the same cabinet shop that I work at. I haven't seen him since I went to Mexico! It was so great to catch up with him. I miss his energy at the shop. He has done quite well for himself and is soon to move north to Seattle.

And then I got another post from my friend Peggy in Atlanta. Sweet!!!

I wonder what the universe is trying to tell me?

Oh Yeah!

I can't believe I forgot to mention this, especially after being absent from my own blog for almost a year!

I BOUGHT A MOTORCYCLE!!!!!

She's a gorgeous blue 2008 Honda Shadow. See?:



I took the motorcycle class in October, and it was great. Our teacher was a current cop, and was very strict and very funny at the same time. Luis took the class with me, although he's been driving motos for years. He did great on the class and passed the test easily. I did great in the class, passed the written test easily....

and FAILED the driving test.

I was crushed. So was my teacher. He said, "you're killing me. You're a much better driver than this test shows." So I had to suck it up, walk out of the class without my endorsement, and sign up for a re-test in December. One and a half months with no practice, and all that time to wonder how the hell I screwed up and if I would pass this next time.

On the day of the re-test, it was raining. Not just the usual Portland misty/drizzling rain - Rain rain. And me with no rain gear, just my usual jeans and leather jacket. I passed, quite ungracefully. The only comment from the testing dude: "Ahhh, all I can say is Practice. You passed."

Kinda demoralizing again. But screw it, I passed!

Four months later I bought my baby. And I'm getting used to her, getting comfortable driving her around town. Looking good and having fun....

Odd crop

I went out to put some items in our compost bin and decided that it needed a bit of attention. I hadn't been as diligent as I should have been about taking out the completed compost from the bottom of the bin, so it had basically turned into a tall pile of dirt with a little bit of biodegrading stew on top of it.

So I opened the bottom and started to dig. My back didn't like the whole process but I kept digging, and digging, and digging. Until I hit a root. A big root. About half way up the bin. Huh? I got on my knees and looked in the bin. Yup, that's a root alright. And it's big. Where the hell would it have come from?

A light bulb went on in my brain and I hoped it wasn't what I suspected it was. I quickly glanced to the back fence (about 3 feet from the compost bin) to look at the giant bamboo in the next yard. My eyes fell short and stuck on the three new shoots coming up into my yard.

Now, these are not small, finger-sized bamboo. These are the bamboo which you have to use both hands to gauge the circumfrance of. Giant bamboo. So the shoots were pretty impressive. Could one of them have made a beeline for my compost pile?

I got up, removed the screws which hold the compost pile to the ground, and turned the thing on it's head. The most recent additions to the pile spilled over easily and I was left staring at a root-bound pile of dirt with a tenacious bamboo sprout working it's way up the pile.

Oh shit.

For those of you who have never had to dig out bamboo... hope you never have to. The roots are thick and clumpy, not easy to cut through. I hacked at the pile with my shovel and took a hack saw to the big runner root, finding a second runner taking off in the other direction, and hacking it off too. Then I reset my compost pile and filled it with the recent bits from my kitchen. Stared at the three sprouts at the fence line and decided to deal with them later.

Out and about

It's odd being unemployed (excuse me, laid off). I always think (when I am employed and indentured to someone else's time for a large portion of my day) that I would love to have a few days off.

But here I am wondering what to do with my day. I make up tasks just to keep myself busy. Is that pitiful? Or just normal?

Some of it has to do with the lack of money. I'm fortunate in that I have another paycheck (not quite 80 hours worth) coming to me this week. And that I have some money I've been hording (not saving, mind you) for just a time like this. But after those two are gone - and they will go quickly - that's it. So to go to a coffee house and pay $1.50 for a single cup of coffee just so I can get online is ok for now. Maybe not next week though.

The other part is that I don't usually take the opportunity to go out much during my "regular life". I wake up at 5.30 in the morning, get to work by 7, get home by 4pm, relax, go to the gym, come home and eat, then go to sleep by 10pm. There is no opportunity for me to go out and have drinks with friends because 1)they want to start at 9pm, a mere hour before my eyelids give up the fight, and 2) I need to be completely sober (not even hungover) and ready to work with limb-removing power tools the next morning.

Plus, I think all my friends are getting older. Or more adult. Or something. When I want to go out I want to go somewhere and be a goof. Dance, drink, relax, have a good time, don't worry about consequences. Everyone around me has someone or someones they are responsible to: a spouse, or a spouse and kids. I know Luis wouldn't worry too much about me. As long as I returned home within 24 hours, he'd be fine. Bail me out of jail? He would. Come pick me up at a bar at 4 in the morning? He would. Make fun of me as a suffered from a horrible hang over? Yup, he'd do that too. As long as I made it home at some point.

I have a few friends who I think would be willing to go out with that level of commitment, but they don't live here. Or maybe they have changed too.

Not Summer Here

Seems like it is actually summer everywhere else in the country but here. I see news reports of the horrible storms in the Midwest, and all I can think is "man, at least they are having summer weather!"

Dang it!

I'm sitting in a TCFY cafe ("too cool for you", that is) up on N. Mississippi Avenue. It is one of the trendiest areas in town. It's been in the gentrification mode for a couple of years now. All the trendiest people live here. Or go to coffee houses, pretending they live here.

But it's 2pm on a Tuesday afternoon, and I wonder what all these people are doing here, not working, not in school. How do they support themselves?

I have an excuse. I am currently unemployed. Temporarily, that is. I deserve to have a few days off, lounging around, trying not to spend money, and at the same time trying not to spend too much time in the house. But who are these other people? They all seem to be in their late 20's/early 30's, all seem employable, all seem trendy. So what gives?

I don't remember ever being able to live that life.

On my way over here, I tipped my motorcycle over. Not over, but over on it's semi-side. Enough so I had to step off and lift it up. Luckily it was at a four-way stop in a not very populated area. Of course, I slowed down the two cars at the intersection, and looked pretty amateur to boot. But I didn't hurt myself (aside from straining my shoulders a bit much) or my bike, so it's all good. I think I was trying to take off from the intersection too slowly, or that the road was a bit slick (it's been drizzling here all day), and my moto just outweighed me. Again, no biggie, but a bit disconcering.

Wondering

I walked home from my post-race party last night. I needed the fresh air to decompress after the season, and a walk would give me some time to work off the beer I had consumed.

I've been thinking about my life and it's path again. I'm not quite as stuck as I was when I worked at MindSpring, but I've been feeling stuck again. I'm still challenged at work, but not in a good way. Right now the challenges come from our high-maintenance clients and from a couple of my co-workers. That's not the challenge I want.

I've started to wonder about moving on again.

I would probably stay in the same general arena - construction and cabinetmaking - but I need a new environment. The mood at my current job has been out of whack for the past month. Partly, I guess, because of the spectre of unemployment, but I also think the mix of people is off again.

Time to think...

No work

Today is the first day in a year that I have woken up without the prospect of work. My company is feeling the effects of the crappy economy. Our customers are generally on the rich end of "Well Off", if not downright Rich, but even they are hording their money right now. Scary.

Not that I mind having the day off. My body is still wracked from a weekend of Dragon Boat racing. I feel like I've given more effort this year on the team. Or maybe my body is having a harder time keeping up. Regardless, I arrived home at 6pm after our post-race party and fell into bed. Woke up around 2.30am when some dumb shit called my phone, probably looking for a sober friend to pick them up at a closed bar, but went right back to sleep. Finally got up around 7.30am. So even if I had been scheduled to work, I probably would have planned ahead and asked for the day off.

One day off is ok, one week off is my "waiting week" to apply for unemployment, two weeks off and it's resume time.

End of the Season

We ended our Dragon Boat season yesterday with a emotionally defeating flag miss. We would have come in 3rd in the race, which would have eliminated us from continuing anyway, but to miss the flag at that point..... heartbreaking.