One thing that is odd about staying here is the mixed feelings I have. The other day I was sitting in my back yard and it almost felt like my time in Mexico was just a dream. The yard looked the same, as if I had never left. And as I bring some of my things back into the house I have the same sensation. Here I am, back in my old life, which doesn't feel old, it feels as if I'm merely rearranging my house. Mexico? Did I really go there or was that a dream?
And I'm not sure I want that. I want to feel different, I want to feel like I had an Experience. A life-changing experience. But it's really easy to forget about my life in Mexico. It's really easy to feel a big void when I think about my daily life down there. Which is so odd because when I was there every day was wracked with emotions. Sometimes good, sometimes bad, sometimes horribly painful. So to feel numb to it, to feel as if it didn't happen, is very, very odd.
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