Time Stands Still

I'm realizing on this trip that I have a perception of the world that needs some adjustment. I think it's because I'm staying at my mom's apartment. Here everything has a place, a semblance of order. Books are on the bookshelf, work papers are in the office, tools are all grouped together with like tools. And I think that is the way I think the world should be - ordered. This is the environment I grew up in. Not that our apartments when I was a kid were spotless and organized. But things had their places. There was a sense of order, of things belonging where they were.

Now, dating Luis and living in Mexico, I see things differently. For 39 years now I've been trying to instill order on my life. I've been trying to find the right spot for everything in my life. As if once things were in order, all would be well in my world, and things wouldn't change. Like I could find a spot in the world where I could live forever, in an unchanging environment.

But the only constant in the world is change. And like it or not, I need to learn how to appreciate change. Just because I am in the spot I am in today doesn't mean I will always be there. That applies to the good times as well as the bad times. So I should appreciate the good times when I have them, and learn from the bad times. All the time realizing that things will change, I will not remain static in the world.

And I need to learn to enjoy what I am going through at the time I'm going through it. So many times I have been in a situation that is good and all I can do is worry about when it will change and what will come after it. I can't control that, so there is no point in worrying. Besides, if I'm thinking about the future, I'm ignoring the present.

This is a hard lesson to put into practice.

I walked by a guy on the street the other day who just had the best energy. He seemed happy and interested in the world around him, and very open to whatever came his way. Maybe I was just projecting this onto him - I didn't talk to him, I just walked by him - but there are some people out there who just ooze whatever emotions they have in them. You all know people who can kill a good vibe just by walking into a room, and people who can lift your mood just by sitting next to you. This guy was one of those. I thought to myself, "why can't I be more like that?" I imagined what my face looked like at that moment - lips pursed, forehead furrowed in thought - and realized that I quite often have that look on my face. Granted, at the moment I was deep in thought, but I was thinking about stuff in the future, stuff I couldn't control. So I decided to work on keeping a smile on my face while I'm here.

My assignment for this next week: stop trying to force order on your life, enjoy what you are doing while you are doing it, and smile!