I was just over at Powell's books, milling about and wasting time on a cold rainy evening. I was walking into the Photography section when I casually looked over at someone flipping through a book. I looked away then did a double take. Was that him?
His hair was longer and curly, but he was just as slight physically as he had always been. I kept looking, trying to figure out if it was my old boyfriend from Atlanta. My mind raced. Did I dare keep looking at him to see if it was him? Or do I look away and keep walking?
I looked away. I realized that although I was curious in a "where are they now" sort of way, I really didn't have anything to say to him, and a conversation would just be awkward. We had split up poorly, and even now, almost 12 years later, I'm not sure those feelings are completely gone. So I looked away and kept walking.
But afterwards I looked around the store to see if I might catch a glance of this person who might have been someone who was once in my life. Maybe the shock of seeing him after so many years scared me too much to talk to him. And really, I'm not sure what I would have said, but there is that sort of voyuristic curiosity, that wondering of what he looks like, what he is doing now, but not wanting to interact with him that kept me looking.
In the end I didn't see the guy again, so I'll never know.
So Mike S., if you're in Portland, Oregon - sorry I didn't want to talk. But I hope your life is treating you well.
1 comment:
Nope, I'm not in Portland. My head is shaved and I've come to roost on my own half acre in Decatur with my wife of the past 6 years.
"voyeuristic curiosity" got the better of me an I found your blog.
And your right, after 12 years those feelings aren't gone just mixed. But we're both older, and hopefully, wiser.
I hope your life is treating you well also. Better yet, I hope you think your life is treating you well.
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