I have done my best

I have done my best to give my employer the benefit of the doubt. I've done my best for the past year and two months to do so. But I have finally realized that no matter what I do, he is not the man I thought he was, and will not change anytime soon (if ever).

Over a year ago I was laid off due to lack of work. My co-worker was also laid off, but he was brought back more often when there was work to be had. Now, I don't wish any ill will towards my co-worker: he needed the work just like I needed the work.

But over the past year things have changed financially for me. Now I need the work more than my co-worker needs it. This change is in part due to me not being brought in to work often enough over the past year. Essentially, my boss has helped create the situation I'm in. I have spoken with my co-worker about all this. He understands that I need the work more than he does. He has even said so to our boss. I have said so to our boss.

But it continues that my co-worker is brought back when there is work, and I am not. You could argue that my co-worker has a broader base of skills to draw from, and is therefore a more valuable employee, hence he should be brought in over me. You could argue that he has seniority over me. But that's mostly bullshit.

He and I have spoken about it and we feel the seniority issue is out the window. He does have more skills than I do, but the work that he is being called in for doesn't require any skills I do not already posses. Plus he is being brought in to work on projects that I was ostensibly the "lead" on. So something else is going on with my boss.

I asked my co-worker (who has worked every day this week while I've languished at home, worrying about paying the bills), about all this today. He says he has said directly to our boss, "Laura needs the work more, I'm ok with you bringing her in instead of me." So I don't think it's a lack of clarity. Our boss' response: "Well, if I have to start thinking about who I need to bring in based on who needs more money, that's just too much to deal with."

Makes me want to kick him in the head. He knows I need work. He knows I can do the work he needs done. I'm even less expensive than my co-worker (which brings into question his business saavy - why would you pay a higher price for basic work when the company is having a tough time even getting any work to start with?).

I know my boss is under stress. His 25 year old business has been hit hard. He himself didn't draw a paycheck in 2009 (his wife makes enough to keep them afloat, apparently). He's got a lot on his head. But that's all bullshit from my point of view too. It's not rocket science to figure out who needs hours the most. He is using that as some fucked up excuse to keep my co-worker on the payroll and to pass over me.

Sexism? Maybe. Preferential treatment? Definitely. Annoying as hell? Most assuredly.

So I'm looking. Even if I have to take a paycut, I'll consider a move to another company. If they can keep me employed consistently, maybe even give me benefits, I'm gone.