I've avoided posting the #metoo hashtag on Facebook. Because I don't like to follow trends. If something is popular, I'm cynical and stand-offish.
But the reality is that yes, I can claim that uneasy label too. Me too.
The most recent time was two weeks ago. My company hires a moving company to deliver our furniture to it's ultimate destination. They were at my company, wrapping items before putting them in their delivery truck. I was standing near them when one of my co-workers gestured at me. The owner of the delivery company saw him gesturing. "What do you need, Mark?" he asked. "I just want to grab Laura for a minute," said Mark.
"Don't we all?" said the owner of the delivery company. In front of me. In front of all his employees. In front of my co-workers.
No one laughed. At least not in my memory. I flipped him off, said "fuck off Jason", and walked over to talk to Mark.
The time before that? A few days prior. I was at a job site where there were lots of other trades. I got the standard "elevator" look (when a man's eyes scan down your body and then back up) from one of the tradesmen.
The time before that? Who knows. It's so fucking normal that women don't even note the incidents anymore. I've heard of men who think this behavior is rare - because they don't see it, because they don't hear about it. They don't see it because we (women) have learned to ignore it. We don't talk about all the incidents because if we did, we wouldn't have anything else to talk about.
The earliest memory of harassment I have is vague. I'm not even sure it's a memory. But why would I make something like this up? I was in 5th grade, in a health class. For some reason it was just myself and the teacher in the room. I remember coming to on the floor, lying on my back. The teacher was there, kneeling next to me. He said "it's ok, I've passed out before too." But did I pass out? If so, why weren't there other teachers, or anyone from the administration there taking care of me? Why was I there with him alone?
So vague. Yet I've remembered it for 40 years. And I've always felt uncomfortable with it.
The Harvey Weinstein crap going on in the news, plus an eerily similar situation that happened in my high school 30+ years ago, has brought all this back to the surface. Powerful men abusing the people around them. The "weaker" people. And the cast of characters around that situation that support it - knowingly or not.
So. What are you going to do in your own life to help stop this?
1 comment:
The biggest thing I've done to combat this type of abuse is to raise a man who views women as people, no stronger or weaker than men. He is thoughtful and kind sees the value in people as individuals. He calls out people for being racist or sexist, and befriends the outcast. I hope to god that more people are doing the same thing. We as women have to stop ignoring it (as hard as that is), so that our children and others don't learn that this kind of abuse is the norm.
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