Kindness is not the same

And then I come across this:

Questioner: "I have openly loved and trusted over and over again and have been mostly hurt and used. I had no skepticism. Just kindness." 

Bentinho Massaro: "Then you also had expectations. Having expectations and needs for things to happen in a certain way or look a certain way in order for you to be willing to appreciate them as love, is a form of arrogance that will cause you to suffer. Nobody else can hurt you, except you by choosing to believe in perspectives that your soul disagrees with.

And if you were indeed "hurt" frequently, it might be an indication that you did in fact carry mistrust with you in your frequency on some level.

Besides, kindness is usually held in high esteem and used by those who feel they need to be loved by the people around them. 

The fact that you said "I was only being kind", is already potentially telling that you felt unloved to begin with and tried kindness as a means to be liked. Kindness is not the same as love, not the same as unconditional trust. 

Kindness can be a genuine and natural result of being a happy human being; but when kindness is clung to as a strong value of yours or if you find yourself offering it with a subtle expectation to getting something in return for it, it is a facade, a pokerface, coming from the fear of not being loved. And if you carry with you a fear of not being loved, you will inevitably attract circumstances and reactions from people that will seem to confirm you're not loved, regardless of how kind you try to be.

That fourth paragraph would apply completely to my ex.  And the third one applies to me.  I never really did trust him completely.  I've never really trusted anyone I've dated.  I have a long-standing fear of being left.  I assume that my partner has the ability to leave me (which, of course, he does), and probably eventually will.

My healing will be learning that I can never be "left" by anyone.  And that if a person moves out of my life, it's ok.  Funny, I feel pretty confident and ok with that first sentence, but that second one scares the shit out of me.