Seven weeks. From a distance, it can look like a short amount of time. Less than two months. A small bit of a full lifetime.
These seven weeks have felt like a lifetime. In the best way. I’ve met friends and had experiences that will stay with me forever. A community has been started. Now we will scatter to wind and wind up in various areas of the country. Will the center hold? Will we continue to maintain this community? With effort, yes. I have faith it will happen.
Leaving my home away from home after seven weeks puts me back into that unmoored feeling again. My future for the next two weeks is clear. Beyond that…. fog. Do I stay in Portland and start to learn my new trade? Do I stay there long enough to prep my house to rent to traveling nurses? Have I done enough to get a legit business going?
Sidebar: I admit I am jealous of my fellow students who have this thing called A Wife (or A Partner) who is working in the background to get things going while they are in classes. I’ve said a few times that I need one of these Wife things to help me out. No, not a romantic wife… the romantic role in my life will be held by a man. Eventually.
Leaving here will put me on my own. Here I have been in practice mode. Classroom mode. Out there is the Real World. Where I will stumble. Where I will fuck up. Where I will start to ingest all the knowledge I’ve picked up here and make it work, make it become muscle memory.
It’s scary in a way. I’ve done this so many times – started a New Life by changing careers, moving to a new city, starting a new path of education. But this time I’m a bit unmoored somehow. Being away from my home, my cat, my familiar (but annoying) surroundings. I did this exact thing once before – when I went to furniture making school in Maine. Three months away, then move to a new city and start a new career. What is different this time is that I have a house to return to. In 2001 I was crashing at a friend’s house, all my belongings packed away, ready to move. Now I’ve upended that order. I’ve still got my house instead of it being packed up.
And I have a situation to deal with when I get home. My ex has been watching my house and cat. It hasn’t worked out as I had hoped it would. He’s not lived up to the commitments he offered. It’s the end of a long relationship. And I need to kick him out of my life. Permanently. There’s a lot of difficulty tied up with that. I wish it was easier.
Then there will be the emotional hangover that comes with all similar situations. That sludge that hangs over you for some unknown amount of time until your system re-rights itself and you can move through your day without feeling drawn down.
I think it’s this work that scares me the most. I can get over my fear of dealing with strangers. I can become more confident in my Tech knowledge and skill. I can make decisions for my future more easily. I just have to get through this sludge portion. That’s going to be the hard work.
Then I can get myself balanced, moored, settled, grounded.
Then I can start to move again.
I’m really glad that Greg is on this first stretch of my run down to Texas.
My 12-volt battery system batteries have been not working since I got the oil changed in my RV. The shop that did the change didn’t realize they were running the batteries down. Granted, the batteries were 4 or 5 years old already, but running them down to zero truly killed them.
I had plugged the RV into shore power & they came back up to half power. So we hit the road.
On our first night, they died again. So….off to buy two new deep cycle battery the time of $270. Ugh.
We stopped to top off the diesel tank before we hit California. I had a nice .50 cent discount, so we got out of there for $120.
Don’t let anyone tell you that living in an RV is inexpensive. 😄
On the highway again and we start up the Siskyou Mountains. Only to overheat.
Sigh.
Now we’re hanging out in the side of the highway waiting for the engine to cool down so we can see if we can figure out what il the issue is.
Greg has been a truck driver for 15 or so years, so he’s been a godsend so far.
T minus 4 days. And there are still so many unknowns.
1. Will the glass company have the new windshield installed in time for me to get the last bits into the RV and take care of the last punch list items?
2. Where am I going to grab the money from for the glass repair bill? And the final bill for the RV park where I'll be staying in Texas?
3. What the hell is wrong with the 12-volt system and can I figure that out before I leave?
4. How difficult will it be to get the motorcycle carrier on the RV, and then my motorcycle on the carrier? I'll have help, thank goodness, but this is a new experience for me. Only time I've ever transported a motorcycle via a vehicle was over a decade ago, and both times the motorcycle was on a flat surface. Once in a trailer, once in the back of a pickup truck.
5. What am I going to forget? What will I have brought that I don't actually need? How much money am I going to spend to get to Texas? Aaaagggghhhhhhh!
Deep breath. I'll get through it all. Just keep moving.
It's odd, this space I'm inhabiting. Getting ready for the newest adventure. Not having an income source beyond unemployment. And now that's ended. Just in time to take off.
Feelings of uselessness (crazy because I've been doing so much), guilt for not working (gotta be a good consumer in our Consumerist society), anxiety about this next step (well, that one makes a bit of sense).
The only direction now is forward. Head down to Texas, back to another school. This time it's RV Tech -fixing RVs for a living.
It feels like a bit of an odd step for me. I've been in this one place, this same house for 20 years now. That's longer than I've ever lived anywhere. Have I become accustomed to being here? Can I not envision being somewhere else? How odd. I've moved around all my life, somehow it's different this time. Passing time? Because I'm older? The general Unknown? I can't seem to pin it down.
But for now..... here I go!
I've got my own RV - a 36' motorhome diesel pusher that I've been remodeling for the past year.
It's been too long and I need to update this website. Not that I think anyone is really paying attention, but hey, optimism reigns supreme!
