I'm online searching out a job. Almost any job. I've been underemployed (on and off Unemployment, plus I took a pay cut at my job) for over a year now. My Unemployment benefits have just dropped by a significant amount due to the underemployment of this past year. Crazy isn't it? I do what I'm supposed to do and it all just keeps sliding downhill.
So I'm looking around to see what possible work is out there. I'm not sure what I want to do, but I know what I'm not willing to do (call centers? Been there, not yet willing to go back). I see an ad for "Stall Cleaner/Ranch hand", and I think, "huh, I wonder what that entails." Not that I'm really interested in getting that job, but I figure I'd look it over anyway. The person who posted it one day ago has added an update: he's received over 130 applications for that position and is overwhelmed.
130 applications. To shovel shit. We are indeed living in strange times.
Friday, December 04, 2009
Monday, September 21, 2009
Las Drogas!
I am coming to terms with my chemical imbalance. I had a therapist a few years back who suggested that my depression was partly hereditary, and that has mostly been proven true. Lately that has been a bit of a comfort to me. Since I no longer have health insurance, I can't afford to see a doctor to get any meds, so I am stuck dealing with my feelings au natural. For a long time I've assumed that it was just me. If only I could change my point of view, be a bit more positive, just get over myself, I would feel better.
But now I think that's bunk. Yes, I could help myself by not being as negative as I've been lately, but there's only so far that will take me. To get the rest of the way (or closer at least) to healthy, I need chemical assistance. And although that feels a bit like Loserville, it also takes a huge burden off my shoulders. It's not completely up to me. I can't fix it all by myself. I don't have to be perfect.
So I will do what I can. Eat healthy, exercise, smile more, think good thoughts, banish the negative. And when Obama finally gets this health insurance thing worked out, I'll get back on meds.
But now I think that's bunk. Yes, I could help myself by not being as negative as I've been lately, but there's only so far that will take me. To get the rest of the way (or closer at least) to healthy, I need chemical assistance. And although that feels a bit like Loserville, it also takes a huge burden off my shoulders. It's not completely up to me. I can't fix it all by myself. I don't have to be perfect.
So I will do what I can. Eat healthy, exercise, smile more, think good thoughts, banish the negative. And when Obama finally gets this health insurance thing worked out, I'll get back on meds.
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Time to look forward
Rob Brezney says to we Taurus' this week:
"The old saying "You can't have your cake and eat it too" suggests that maybe it's not a good idea to go out on dates with a variety of lovers while you're engaged to be married. Nostradamus scholar John Hogue has taken the spirit of this idea and created a variation that I think applies to you right now, Taurus. "You can't have your past and your future, too," he says. In other words, you cannot fully embrace the exciting and daunting possibilities that loom ahead of you if you also insist on immersing yourself in the pleasures of the past. You can either have the old ways or the new ways, but not both."
So, future, what have you in store for me?
"The old saying "You can't have your cake and eat it too" suggests that maybe it's not a good idea to go out on dates with a variety of lovers while you're engaged to be married. Nostradamus scholar John Hogue has taken the spirit of this idea and created a variation that I think applies to you right now, Taurus. "You can't have your past and your future, too," he says. In other words, you cannot fully embrace the exciting and daunting possibilities that loom ahead of you if you also insist on immersing yourself in the pleasures of the past. You can either have the old ways or the new ways, but not both."
So, future, what have you in store for me?
Ok, enough.
I'm over this "economic downturn" shit. I've been semi-employed since December of last year and it's really making a mess of my financial life. Tomorrow I have to talk to my boss to see if he can cough up any more money for me. Not only am I semi-employed, I also lost all my benefits and took a 15% pay cut.
Ouch.
We've survived so far, and I'm sure all this will be a (crappy) memory someday in the future, but at the moment it feels like forever. Scraping together $2 of coins so I can buy a cup of coffee and use the free wifi at the cafe. Tap dancing to pay all the bills I can, on time if possible, late if not. Better than not at all, I guess. Although some of my creditors are falling into that category too.
I can't really find enough anger to care that the bigwigs at the financial companies we've bailed out are now back to their same old salaries and up to their same old shenanigans. I grew up in the 80's - I expect all those folks to be corrupt and rich.
But like the bumper sticker says: "where's my bailout"?
Ouch.
We've survived so far, and I'm sure all this will be a (crappy) memory someday in the future, but at the moment it feels like forever. Scraping together $2 of coins so I can buy a cup of coffee and use the free wifi at the cafe. Tap dancing to pay all the bills I can, on time if possible, late if not. Better than not at all, I guess. Although some of my creditors are falling into that category too.
I can't really find enough anger to care that the bigwigs at the financial companies we've bailed out are now back to their same old salaries and up to their same old shenanigans. I grew up in the 80's - I expect all those folks to be corrupt and rich.
But like the bumper sticker says: "where's my bailout"?
Montana
We just got back from a long motorcycle trip to Montana for a cousin's wedding. It was gorgeous up there. We were right next door to the Glacier National Park, so we got to spend some time in the park. The drive up, which we did in one day, was good. I was less exhausted than I thought I would be. Of course, after getting off the motorcycles and having some food and a beer, exhaustion sank in.
Driving back to Portland was another matter.
Right around Spokane we noticed an increase in the wind. Turns out we were in a high wind warning zone, although we didn't hear that officially until much later. We were buffeted around from all sides. It was a repeat of West Texas for me. My shoulders took the brunt of it, although it seemed like all my muscles were firing for most of that portion of the trip.
Crossing the Columbia at the bridge at Umatilla was scary. The wind was free to flow over us as well as under us, so yet another dimension was added to controlling our motorcycles. I felt the bike pushed left and right as I crossed. All I could think was, "get me the hell off this bridge"!
Once we were down in the gorge the winds continued, but at least they were mostly coming from one direction. We stopped to rest at one point and even the seagulls were staying out of the air. Some were even sitting on the ground to avoid the wind.
It was a great time, and I'd do it again. But not until my muscles recover!
Driving back to Portland was another matter.
Right around Spokane we noticed an increase in the wind. Turns out we were in a high wind warning zone, although we didn't hear that officially until much later. We were buffeted around from all sides. It was a repeat of West Texas for me. My shoulders took the brunt of it, although it seemed like all my muscles were firing for most of that portion of the trip.
Crossing the Columbia at the bridge at Umatilla was scary. The wind was free to flow over us as well as under us, so yet another dimension was added to controlling our motorcycles. I felt the bike pushed left and right as I crossed. All I could think was, "get me the hell off this bridge"!
Once we were down in the gorge the winds continued, but at least they were mostly coming from one direction. We stopped to rest at one point and even the seagulls were staying out of the air. Some were even sitting on the ground to avoid the wind.
It was a great time, and I'd do it again. But not until my muscles recover!
Saturday, September 05, 2009
The Right Frame of Mind
Sometimes I think, "oh, I should just grab my camera and go out and take photos." Or, "I should just sit down and write some of this stuff that is in my head that I think is pretty readable". But the reality is that it isn't that simple.
I remember when I was in art school, being "in the zone" at times. So concentrated on whatever I was producing that my consciousness actually felt like it was in another section of my brain. One that was reserved for this type of task, one that wasn't used in normal everyday tasks.
I've been feeling that section of my brain again lately. Like I need to revisit it - it's been too long. I've let other parts of my life take up too much space in my brain. Finances, job drama, house drama, avoiding it all by watching too much tv. It's so easy to sink into the mire of these things.
I remember when I was in art school, being "in the zone" at times. So concentrated on whatever I was producing that my consciousness actually felt like it was in another section of my brain. One that was reserved for this type of task, one that wasn't used in normal everyday tasks.
I've been feeling that section of my brain again lately. Like I need to revisit it - it's been too long. I've let other parts of my life take up too much space in my brain. Finances, job drama, house drama, avoiding it all by watching too much tv. It's so easy to sink into the mire of these things.
Saturday, August 08, 2009
Today
I woke up late today. Nine am. Odd dreams of traveling and losing access on my iPhone. Didn't get out of the house until 2pm. Have a thumping headache that has been hanging around all week.
i've been reading Anthony Bourdain and Bill Bryson. thinking about traveling again. i wonder if i could do what they do. travel and write. more interesting than building cabinets.
something's gotta change. this on again/off again work shit is annoying. not that my finances were all that hot before, but it's messing with them more than i want to think about. it amazes me how many people i know who are not only able to pay all their bills, but to travel as well. what are they doing that i'm not? am i just in a shitty industry that can't support me? did i waste precious finances while i was in mexico? did i give in when temptation asked for further financing? is the world just messing with me (and a few million others at the same time)?
but all is not lost. i feel the creative juices simmering. something will come of all this.....
i've been reading Anthony Bourdain and Bill Bryson. thinking about traveling again. i wonder if i could do what they do. travel and write. more interesting than building cabinets.
something's gotta change. this on again/off again work shit is annoying. not that my finances were all that hot before, but it's messing with them more than i want to think about. it amazes me how many people i know who are not only able to pay all their bills, but to travel as well. what are they doing that i'm not? am i just in a shitty industry that can't support me? did i waste precious finances while i was in mexico? did i give in when temptation asked for further financing? is the world just messing with me (and a few million others at the same time)?
but all is not lost. i feel the creative juices simmering. something will come of all this.....
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