Monday, September 03, 2007

I need a girlfriend!

No, I haven't gone lesbian on you....

All my really good girlfriends are scattered across the Western Hemisphere:
    Angela is in Los Angeles
    Charlotte is in San Diego
    Ann is in New York
    Cindy is in Atlanta
    April is in London

These are the women I really connect with, the ones I really have a good time with, the ones I can talk about anything with. Sure, I have a few close female friends here, but no one I really connect with that closely.

Is that just due to the circumstances of my life? I work in a small shop, so there aren't scads of people to sort through to find good friends. And my industry (cabinetmaking) is pretty damn male-oriented, so the chances of even finding a female to test out are pretty slim. Plus I'm pretty lame when it comes to having a social life. I'm a bit of a hermit, I need someone else to drag me out of the house from time to time. Luis does that pretty well, but he's a boy, and that's just different.

Or is it a matter of my age? I've just turned 40, although I don't feel like it, nor do I act like it. Portland is a pretty young town though. Most women my age are having babies, it seems. And the women who like to go out to bars, or to see bands, or whatever, are usually doing that more often than I'm able to (the thought of going to work hung over or tired and having to work with power tools kinda scares me!). Or they are just younger than me and, dang it!, I'm starting to feel that generation gap!

I'm starting to wonder if Portland is too hippie for me too. I mean, it's nice to have a supportive, progressive, forward-thinking community, but I miss the harshness of a bigger town. I miss the variety of a bigger town. Here we have a ton of variations on the hippie, the hipster, the socially concerned. To be a "rebel" in this town is difficult, because no matter what you do, you are supported! Wanna be a punk? Ok. Wanna be homeless? Well, we don't want that for you, but we will work hard to make sure you get whatever you need in order to remain homeless. Wanna be an MBA-holding, suit-wearing business person? Ok, but really there is no need for the suit. Wanna be a soccer mom? Sure, we'll even sell you a hybrid mini-van so you can be an eco-soccer mom!

All I want is a group of friends who will come over on a Sunday and sit in the back yard with me and talk trash about our lives. Anyone interested?

My 80's Weekend

So not only am I bathing in R.E.M. today, I went to see Crowded House last night with mi amiga Vanessa. They apparently have a new album out, but I am woefully unacquainted with those songs. Unfortunately, they seemed to be playing a lot of them. Fortunately, Mr. Finn has held up quite well and both Vanessa and I were drooling over his Aussie voice and well maintained body.

They scattered a handful of older songs in the main part of their set, and then tossed a hunk of them in for their two encores. I was quite happy. They closed with Better Be Home Soon, and the audience sat rapt and silent, singing along quietly. It was fabulous!

R.E.M.

Is there any more perfect album than Murmur or Eponymous or Fables of the Revolution? Not today.

Those songs take me to a very happy place. Radio Free Europe makes me dance around the room like a teenager. (Don't go Back to) Rockville makes me swoon. So. Central Rain, Seven Chinese Brothers, Talk About the Passion, Life and How to Live It......

Sooooooooo happy!

Sunday, September 02, 2007

More art

One thing that is missing in my life these days is art. Even though Portland is pretty cultured, I don't get out to see art, and art certainly isn't coming to me. I get to work by 7am, leave there at 3.30pm, go home and watch stupid afternoon tv for two hours (my current idea of "relaxing after work"), then go to the gym for two more hours. Home again for dinner, then crashing into bed for a night of sleep.

Art? No time for it.

In fact, I feel like I don't have time for anything these days. Art, relaxation, writing, people watching, whatever. My weekdays are booked up. No wonder I just want to stay inside and stare at the walls on the weekends! That is exactly what I did yesterday - I didn't even leave the house!

Today at least I am three blocks away from the house. That is progress, right? 8^)

There is an art event going on this weekend called Art in the Pearl. I bought a piece of art from there a few years ago. Maybe I will hike over that way and see what is going on. It's close to Powell's, so I could always skip out on the art and move on to books if the art was boring....

So many thoughts...

I've been wanting to write to my blog lately. However, I have a shitty Internet connection at home, so even checking email there is painful.

Today, I decided to wander down the street to get online. For that, and for food. Luis went to Sacramento this weekend to visit a friend. I was invited, but didn't relish 18 hours of driving to a town I think of as a pit, just to see a friend of Luis'. Don't get me wrong, the friend is a good guy - I know his family down in Mexico - but he is Luis' friend, not mine. Plus, I'm going to see Crowded House tonight - oh so 80's!

So I am solo here in Portland for the long weekend. It's mostly ok, although I'm tending to freak out a bit not having Luis around. Even though I think we need time apart, I get knocked off center when he leaves. I'm sure it has to do with my childhood and not having my dad around, but who really knows?

I also just downloaded a bunch of photos from Mexico. I had taken a bunch of "old style" photos using actual film when my digital camera broke. When I got back to the States I had them developed and uploaded in digital format so I could then download them to my computer. It probably would have been worthwhile to just have had them put the photos on a disc, but I was pretty dang broke when I first got back.

The photos made me think about Mexico, and the Mexicans I met. I'm starting to look at that year in Mexico in a different light. When I was there I was so out of whack that it was hard to see things any other way than what I was feeling at the moment. Now I can see that I went down there with a particular idea of what I was doing there and the reality didn't match up. Instead of rolling with that, I tried to force it to be what I wanted. I didn't open up my brain to a more objective viewpoint. Not that I blame myself for that. I don't think there was a way I could have done that. But being away from it now makes me see things differently.

Luis and I talk about going back to live there. It's mostly what he wants to do. I still have things that I want to do here in the States, so another move south is not in my close future. I would be interested in going back again, but not to live in Tuxpan. And he agrees. He is also realizing that he went down there with some unrealistic ideas of what he was going to achieve. If we move down there again it will be to Colima, which is about 45 minutes away from Tuxpan. Close enough to visit the family, but in a city that has more to it than drinking and poverty.

Plus it seems like every time I go to the gym I end up thinking about Mexico. I'm not sure why, except that maybe that is my only time to myself, when I don't have to think about anything else, and my mind just goes there because it needs quiet time to contemplate all that happened there.

Regardless, I think I'm slowly working through a lot of shit in my head.